Hello and welcome back to my personal blog of Positive Personal Power. Today i will be discussing my story in my challenges that I have fought and continue to fight in my life. My whole life i have been taught that I have to be the best. This is a great strategy to strive for greatness but this kind of mentality can only bring you so far in life. From being taught this i was set up for failure with my self esteem, self motivation and emotional triggers because when i did fail at somthing or made a mistake the fall was disasterous. Now, most people that dont have the knowledge or understanding of mental health would probably respond to this with the mentality that "its all in your head" or "its not the end of the world" which to an extent can be true but in that moment of dispair it is 100% real and when you fall with no support mechanisms in place it can truley be life ending. Now because i lived by the teachings of if you dont come first your last mentality which also lead me to make decisions based on others benefit rather than what made me happy. I have my whole life lived with the feeling that - i have to be number one in sports or else my parents wont love me, I have to be the best in school or else i will have no friends that love me, i have to be super skinny or else no man will ever love me etc. This way of living day in and day out takes its toll. Im not here to say i had a bad life but instead tell you that someone who was given so much opportunity and has acheieved many things in life doesnt mean they dont have personal struggles. My whole life i have put up with bullying, been judged for my looks, and even suffered physical abuse. What people on the outside look may not be what is actually happening. From these challenges i chose to make life threatening desicions just so others would like me or be proud of me. For instance i had chose to starve myself which lead to me having a severe eating disorder that turned into an autoimmune disease. Of course this negative act at first did give me positive attention but as a result had consequences of loosing next to all my hair and having to wear a wig as a 14 year old girl. Now i can go on and on about about so many personal terrible things others have put me through in life but that is not the purpose of this blog. The purpose is to show you that no matter how hard things get you can regain control of your life. For example i was at the lowest point in my life where i chose to drink away my sorrows, to invest support in the wrong people, and I chose to stay in a very toxic relationship where i became a different person where i was not internally strong to walk away from somone who physically/mentally tormented me. I made choices in my life to keep me in those instances and putting other first before my own health. From what i have learned that no matter how low you feel no matter how bad things have been in your life its time to stop blaming others. The fact is that there are some very unhealthy people in world that bring others down to fuel themselves. You can never control the actions of others but rather what you choose to do and how you handle them. Everyone in life comes with their own story some many worse than mine. Just know you have the choice to turn your life around for the better. Everything happens for a reason and you can take control of your personal happiness. In each of our own way you are amazing inside and out. Strengths and weaknesses is what makes you who you are. You need to embrace this! The struggle will always be with you in life but only you can decide if you will rise above it. Please stay tuned for my next week as we explore more in depth what is depression, and what is anxiety to further your understanding in this area of mental health. Please feel free to comment your personal struggles so that we can come together in supporting one another. Until next time.
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